Monday, February 22, 2010

Lenten promise: Day 7

Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm going into day 7 of my declaration to give up making fun of people for Lent, and I'm about as good at this as Heidi Montag is at not having plastic surgery. (Does that count? She is a celebrity. they're fair game I think.) I've staved off making fun of people all together, but unfortunately I'm only at being able to keep my mouth shut 1 out of every 10 times a caustic thought comes into it.

My younger sister was in town this weekend, so we were out and about in Austin every day and I'd catch myself pointing and shouting "Oh my God, look at that guy's..." at which point I would stop and it would be too late because she would know I was gawking at his skin tight jeans with a waistline that was far to low causing it to cup under his bulbous ass like a balconetta bra. Obviously, this is just as damaging as following through with the sentence.

This Lent is going to take a lot more effort than I've ever put into it, but it's going to be a process. It would be fairly impossible for me to stop making fun of people cold turkey; it's a mental habit and it's something I do in regular conversation without having to stop and find ways to insult someone.

It worries me that this is so hard for me. Have I been using degradation as a crutch for entertaining other people or keeping a conversation alive? I think the answer is yes, and that is a problem.

I'm fairly certain it's something I'll eventually able to control, but it will come in phases. I told my sister this weekend, it's going to take me realizing every time I make fun of someone (which will probably take place after the fact), and then I have to realize BEFORE I'm about to say it and be able to control that. It's pretty hard, mental habits are not like physical habits where you can just cease contact with the stimuli if it were candy or cokes. No, it is everywhere for me. You will know I've succeeded if the next time you see me I don't talk much, instead I just sit and bite my lip probably mumbling to myself.


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